Tiffany

Tiffany Laurenz Greatness and Pain (A woman and a man return to a flat in London England around 3:30 am. The woman enters the flat and walks into her bathroom. She opens a bottle of pills taking two out and popping them into her mouth, swallows them with water, closes the bottle and leaves it on the sink. She then climbs into her bed and soon drifts off into sleep. The man begins pacing about the kitchen) My life has been full of greatness, and also full of pain. When I was brought into my family they would have never thought I’d be here, in a London flat, with all of my accomplishments, my career, and also my guilt. (His voice softens, his eyes close and the muscles in his face loosen as he forms a calm expression.) It was only thirteen years ago mom died, (His eyes open up and his mouth twists into a frown) and nearly thirteen years ago I took up my music seriously, look where it’s gotten me. (He stopped pacing and started to make his way to the bathroom) Oh do I remember those times, I felt so alive on that stage, with my fender Stratocaster and the Monterey Pop Festival holding that burning guitar over my head! (He formed a smile baring his teeth while chuckling in amusement) Started my first band in 65, Jimmy James and the Blue Flames. Played a few gigs, then I got noticed, suddenly everybody saw this black man on a guitar doing things that just weren’t possible. (His voice rose, with his fist clenched tight in front him showing his pride) That was when America noticed me. I was Jimi Hendrix the great American rock star. I loved being where I was in life; I was admired, adored and worshiped. (He made his way into the bathroom, picking up the bottle of pills on the sink) But not all times were good. I’ve had my fair share of the worst. (His smile once again twisted into a frown, as he stared at the pill bottle in his hands) My childhood wasn't all that peachy; I had a family that could care less about me. That’s pretty hard on a kid, but I survived. My parents divorced when I was only nine years old, I didn't know how to take that kind of thing and it went down hill from there. (He unscrewed the lid took out one pill and popped it into his mouth swallowing hard) Dad received custody and sent Joseph, my brother, to be fostered out. He never wanted him. I wanted to watch over him, and protect him. (He popped a second pill into his mouth and swallowed) A pretty bad time for me was when mom died when I was just 15, wasn’t around much anyways, but she never hit me like daddy would. I didn’t even get to go to her funeral, I feel like I should've gone to pay my last respects. (He swallowed another) High school was alright, but all I wanted to do was play music. I wasn’t a very good kid in high school I was a smoker, that’s for sure. Smoking was a fad back then. Eventually I was thrown out of school, and for what? Holding a white girl’s hand in class. That was when I started my music. Words meant nothing to me then. I recall feeling as if I was soaring, free, like I could do anything. I played for me. (He swallowed another) The Army was a good adventure. I joined at seventeen. I was a paratrooper. Learned a lot about flyin’ and fallin’, 14 months later I got myself outta there, told them I was gay hah and they sent me right out. (He smirked and took his fifth pill into his mouth and swallowed) I've always been quite promiscuous, with a lot of women but never marryin’. Never thought I needed to. Everyone thought my lifestyle was pretty immoral; I guess they’re right on some accounts. (He frowned with guilt as he swallowed another pill) I’m a pretty violent man, once I trashed a hotel room in a drunken rage… what got into me? Besides alcohol that is. Not only that but I had beat a girl, slammed her head against the ground. That’s when I began to worry about my mental state. What’s wrong with me? Am I crazy? (His face went pale as he swallowed another pill) Alcohol wasn’t my only guilty pleasure, I got mixed up in a lot of drugs, and I know I shouldn’t have. Just this past week I was so messed up and nervous they said I was a crazy man. I ran around the house screamin’ like a mad man. How did I let myself get that way. I never wanted to be like that. (He put his last pill into his mouth and sat the bottle down. His eyes were glossy and each cheek was striped with tears) I need a break from this life, I need to right some wrongs, and I need to keep making that beautiful music… the love of my life and the only thing that hasn’t betrayed me. (He walked out of the bathroom and into his bed, where he drifted to sleep. Later in the morning around 10:30 am his girlfriend woke from her sleep to go get some cigarettes she looked over at Jimi who seemed to be sleeping as he normally did, she got up and walked to the door, as she got there she turned to look at Jimi once more and noticed that he had vomit on his nose and mouth. Later that day Jimi had died on his way to a hosipital)

Courtney- I think that you did a good job, there were a few typos and it does get a little confusing in some parts but overall it's a good peice. Just check some of the words where he starts talking about his childhood thats where I noticed the typos.

Monique Peterson: I thought that it was a very good piece but there were some places that needed comas and some of your sentences were actually fragments. I also think that when he (the charater) starts popping the pills that he is just stating facts as if he was talking to someone about it instead of just reminiscing about his life.

Corey D-- i like the descriptive stage direction. Some sentence structure problems.(sentence fragments) At times it fills like a biography, with hendrix just telling someone his life with facts. But other than that its good, with little work you will have a nice piece.

Alma--- i like the piece, it just seems like you go back too much throughtout the peace to how he used to be, and it gets kind of confusing. but other than that its pretty good.

Tiffany -- I made corrections and changed some of the dialogue so it doesnt sound to much like a biography.

Ms. Schoen -- Tiffany, it was a very good piece but I did find some grammatical and spelling errors still present in your monologue. It sounds at times as if you are listing information and flowing through it as a biography. It isn't enough to be overly concerned about. Go through it again and look at the spelling and punctuation mistakes that are present.

Tiffany - I fixed the grammatical and spelling errors that I could find.