Monique

Gregory Hines "The Man Inside The Shoes" By: Monique Peterson (The curtains have just closed, the lights are dimmed as the roaring sound of applause and jeers surround the theater. One man stands behind the curtains center stage, short breathed but content. His costume drenched in sweat, but the shoes the shoes are unscathed as always. He reaches in the concealed pocket for a smoke, sparks it and inhales) (Aww, Ughhh Ughhh), I think I out did myself tonight, dad would be proud. Maurice couldn't have tapped better if his life had depended on it. My feet hurt but that’s nothing new, for it astounds me that each time they never fail me: they are my friends. (He turns and goes into the dressing room with his hand on his chest.) (Ughhh, Ughhh) That cough is back. Maybe I should see the doctor later, but still I really did enjoy myself tonight, even though I miss the action of the scenes and fans of the movies. Echo of Murder was only the beginning for me because the producers of CBS have just asked me to do a series called Who Killed Atlanta’s Children with James Belushi as a spin off from our movie. I might even join the cast of the Cotton Club with my brother, it sounds like a good movie and I like the script. (He takes off the itching blonde wig and pulls out a costume weggy that had been bothering him since the beginning.) I have done so many things that it is hard to believe that I started out just tapping with my brother Maurice. I miss him sometimes because he was my companion and best friend for the longest time. Broadway keeps reuniting us on the stage for these small inadequate plays, but I long for something of better quality, anything to keep Maurice laughing and dancing. Our dad pushed us so hard to be the best that we could be, and I am grateful for that because I wouldn’t have achieved all that I have. I wonder where I would be if my dad hadn’t started the Hines Kids, eventually to be the Hines and Dad for I didn’t like our old name that much. (Ughhh Ughhh,) I think that this cough is getting worse. Maybe I’ll just go see the doctor tomorrow. (He stumbles over the chair, his hand withholding his chest as he collapses on the couch.) Who knew that cigarettes would lead to lung cancer, I think that I did know deep down inside I just never really thought that it would happen to me. The doctor said that I should see him when it starts to act up again because it got so bad last time. Lately I have had shortness of breath and I haven’t been able to do very well, which is why I am so surprised about tonight’s performance. Though it looked as if I had the energy of a ten year old tonight, I feel as if I am eighty years old. It seems as though my feet have a mind of their own letting me glide across the stage with such ease and endurance. Maybe I should retire, I am getting old and my acting career is doing quite well. (He stretches his arms out wide and yawns) Maybe I should take a quick nap, I am so very tired and when I wake up I will be well rested and energized but before I sleep I…I.... I think…I should take off these shoes…they hurt so much… (The curtains have just closed, the lights are dimmed as the roaring sound of applause and jeers surround the theater. One man has done the impossible as a multi talented dancer, actor, choreographer, director, and singer. His shoes are shining amazingly on the dressing room floor, unscathed as always. Broadway has dimmed the lights in honor of one of the best performers of our time.)

Zach Duncan- in the first paragraph, you repeat "the shoe". Other than that, the peice is great.

Monique-- I was putting an infances(cant spell) on shoes because he is a tapper

Erica Chavez-i like your use of words like Ughhh and I.....I....I. It kept me intrested.

Kyle-Good job. I think that you really don't need to change anything, you had a good choice of words, good action word, ect.

Ms. Schoen -- It seems as though he had a good relationship with his brother. To give the monologue more depth and feeling you could discuss his reasonings for considering to do work with his brother. Another thing...the ending seems to drop off. You need to give it more closure, it seems to just drop off into space. (Almost as if you hit 2 pages and decided to end it) Other than that I love the descriptions you use and the fact that you do give feeling to the character but it could be a little more in-depth.

Alma--I like it Mo, i just think you should go more into detail, but it's great.

Arlena-I think it was a good piece. Although you repaeted the shoe twice. Also you should give your ending a little more detail

Monique--I was putting an infances(cant spell) on shoes because he is a tapper

Miranda- I think it's good. I like your choice of words and I like the ending. I dont see where it really needs that much more detail?

Monique--This is my final and all corrections have been made